


recovery|b.barnes & s.wilson

by youredeadangel



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Falcon and the Winter Soldier
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Bucky Barnes, Bisexual Male Character, Bisexual Sam Wilson, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Has Issues, Bucky Barnes Is a Good Bro, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Bucky Barnes Remembers, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Bucky Barnes, M/M, Masturbation, Masturbation in Bathroom, Masturbation in Shower, Mentions of Death, Past Relationship(s), Past Torture, Post-Endgame, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Sam Wilson, Sam Wilson Feels, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Sam Wilson is a Gift, Sam Wilson is a Saint, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 19:15:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29921562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youredeadangel/pseuds/youredeadangel
Summary: recovery is hard but, so is loving you.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Sam Wilson
Comments: 2
Kudos: 31





	recovery|b.barnes & s.wilson

It had been a week. A week since he left. A week since his heart was ripped out and stomped on by a woman's sharp heel. The same heel she wore to work every day, the same heel she got married in. The same heel, she forgot him in. Bucky didn't understand, they were inseparable. On the playground or battlefield, they were side by side. Why did he leave?  
Sam tried to reassure him.  
”Buck, I'm sure when he went he saved you. He knows what you become, why wouldn't he?” Bucky knew he didn't. He confided in Strange who simply confirmed his suspicion that Steve left him to rot in HYDRA.  
America’s golden boy left him there to become the world's most deadly assassin. He confided in Sam. Though their relationship started off rocky, Sam was trained to help people. He understood Bucky's pain first hand.  
After a few months, Sam moved Bucky in with him to keep a close eye on the ex-assassin. Every morning, he would check on him, and every night he would do the same. It was like a little routine, it made Bucky smile.

It felt nice to have someone care about him.

After some time, Sam decided he needed to return to normalcy. He began to leave early in the mornings, after checking in, to go for a run and occasionally shopping. This new routine frightened the brunette. He was used to saying good morning and how he slept then eating and relaxing.

Then the panic attacks started. They were the most painful and difficult ones Sam has ever dealt with. The clawing, the screaming, and the crying. It all shattered his heart. Watching someone he is now able to call a friend, fear for his entire being just because Sam had been gone for a few hours crushed him.

After two panic attacks, Sam suggested Bucky get an emotional support animal and they make a new schedule together.

So, they did.

A little white cat Bucky named Alpine.

___

Bucky sat on the couch, stroking the white ball of fur that laid in his lap. Alpine purred to her heart's content, occasionally leaning up to lick at her owner's hand. It soothed the brunette.  
“Barnes!” The front door slammed signifying Sam has come home. Alpine leaps from her spot, making Bucky frown, and hurries over to Sam. The male crouches down to pet her and take off his worn boots. “I picked up some groceries while I was out.” Sam looks up to see Bucky on the couch, the same spot he left him in.

“Hey, I thought you were heading out today.” He asks, moving into the kitchen. “I went out, ” There's a grunt from the couch as Bucky stands. “I took a jog. Now I'm home.” He shrugs, trying his hair up. “Help me out here?” Bucky began to unbag the groceries and put them away in their respective spots. “What's for dinner?”-” I was thinkin’ shrimp fried rice and mixed vegetables.” Sam looks over with a smile.  
Bucky let out a slight groan at the thought. “Sounds amazing, your food always tastes delicious.” Bucky complimented.  
Sam smirks to himself.  
In the beginning, Bucky wasn’t eating. He shut himself off and starved himself like he was captured again. If Sam got him to eat, he would hear him throwing it up in the middle of the night. It pained Sam, he wanted to help but, Bucky was like a scared animal. He would corner himself and lash out. It took months for Sam to even touch Bucky without him freaking out.  
Sam pulled out his ingredients. The fresh-caught shrimp, the rice, and the vegetables. He grabbed his seasonings and set them all to the side. Bucky has put all of the groceries away and sat on the counter. “How was your day?” Sam asked, cutting open the rice.  
“It was okay. Went for a jog, I thought about him, panicked a little.” He laughs dryly. “How was yours?” Alpine jumps onto the counter and settles herself into her owner's lap. “It was good. Worked out, went to the shops. It was nice to be outside.” Sam commented before trailing off, focusing on the task at hand.  
“Could you please grab a pan and the rice cooker?” Bucky hummed a ‘yes’ and got up from his spot.  
The boys continued cooking together until the meal was done. Though when they started it was bright out and now it was dark and gloomy, they continued having fun. Once dinner was ready, they cleaned themselves up and ate together. Dinner was mostly quiet. Normally, Sam sparked up a conversation about little things while Alpine softly meowed at things running outside, not tonight though.  
It was peaceful.  
“I saw Pepper today,” Bucky states out of the blue. “Oh yeah? About what?” Sam stabbed his shrimp then picked up some rice. Bucky stayed quiet for a moment. “I just wanted to stop by, it had been a while since I'd seen them.” He shrugs, attempting to eat quicker.  
Sam notices how quickly the mood switched and stayed quiet. “I just feel bad, ya know? Pepper could have her in-laws to help with their daughter. Morgan could know her grandparents but—” Bucky trailed off, clutching his fork. “It’s okay Bucky. I understand.” Sam grabbed his hand. “I could hardly look Morgan in the eyes. She looks just like him, she's just as smart too.” Bucky chokes out.  
“Relax Bucky,” Sam rubbed his thumb across the back of his hand hoping to soothe him. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Bucky panted, he was distressed. “You’re okay Bucky, that’s not you anymore. You’re free.” Sam smiles sweetly at the man.  
“Yeah, yeah.” Bucky sighs, running a hand through his now loose hair. “I'm sorry, I just—” Sam cuts him off. “It's okay, I understand. Now try to eat, your foods gonna get cold.”  
Dinner ended shortly after the conversation. Bucky grabbed both plates and empty glasses and carried them to the sink. “Bucky, I'll do it.” Sam insisted, snatching the sponge from him. “No, you cooked. Let me clean.” Bucky took the sponge back and turned the water on. “Fine, I’ll dry them.” Bucky laughed and rolled his eyes.  
The pair began to wash and dry dishes together. No talking, just being in the moment. Sam hummed a soft tune, familiar to Bucky, as he dried the dishes. Bucky looked over at Sam. He looked peaceful. Full lips pressed together, eyes cast down to the dishes, and dark skin glowing from the overhead light.  
Bucky’s eyes focused on Sam's lips again. He watched as his humming turned into his lips forming an ‘O’ shape as he whistled.  
With a shake of his head, Bucky snapped out of his daze and dismissed washing the dishes. “Head to bed Buck. I’ll finish up here.” Sam smiled. “Thank you. Goodnight, Sam.” Bucky walked away to his bedroom and collapsed on his bed. His hands came to cover his face as he groaned. “What the hell is wrong with you Bucky? He’s your friend.” He chastised himself.  
Bucky got up, grabbed a towel, and boxers then headed to the bathroom to shower. He turned the water on, stripped, and waited. He waited until the steam fogged up the window and mirror before he even got in. The hot water felt good on his skin. It warmed his metal arm and soothes him.  
Bucky slowly washed himself. He stood under the water, hair sticking to his neck and face. He imagined Sam behind him, stroking his hands up and down his torso. Dipping down to his cock before moving his hands back up. Bucky hadn’t noticed the ache between his legs until he looked down. “Shit.” He grunted, dragging his hand softly along his length.  
Bucky’s hand stuttered as he gripped his cock. It never felt good to jerk off in the shower but, what else could he do? He covered his mouth with his metal hand as he began to stroke himself. His cock, red-tipped and leaking pre-cum, bobbed each time his hand came down his shaft. A choked moan leaves him as his orgasm neared. His adrenaline pumped as the thought of being caught ran through his mind.  
Bucky imagined Sam’s hand stroking him. Gently tweaking his nipples and kissing his neck. It made Bucky’s knees weak. “Oh fuck,” He groaned quickening his pace hoping to not alert the aforementioned man in the other room. “Shit.”  
His orgasm came quick but strong. White, ropes of cum spurt out of his cock as a muffled moan leaves him. His chest heaves with each breath. Bucky wrapped up his shower and headed back to his room. The living room was dark signifying Sam had gone to bed already.  
Bucky went to bed disgusted with himself.  
___  
The next morning was the same. Sam checked on Bucky before he went on his morning run, Bucky got up and showered, Sam came home and made breakfast. Bucky sat at the table with Sam across from him. Alpine weaves her way between the legs of the table and chairs, occasionally meowing.  
“How’d you’d sleep?” Sam asked before sipping his drink. “Slept alright, only got up once.” Bucky started messing with his breakfast. “Okay, what’s going on? You love eggs, waffles, and bacon.” Sam straightens himself up. “Just not that hungry today.” Bucky avoids looking Sam in the eyes. Sam knew something was wrong, he couldn’t pinpoint it but, he knew.  
The day carried on as normal.  
Bucky and Sam ran errands then came home to Alpine and relaxation.  
Bucky sat in his chair, staring at Sam who was strewn across the couch not facing him. “Y’know, I can feel your eyes burning into the back of my head.” Sam commented, making Bucky blush.  
“Sorry, I was lost in thought.” He mumbled, messing with his hands.  
Dinner was just as awkward that night. Bucky dodging the questions Sam asked. “Well, goodnight.” Bucky called walking off to his room after washing the dishes with Sam. “Wait, come here please.” Bucky stopped in his tracks and turned to his roommate. “Yeah?” Sam waves him over and Bucky obliged. “Are you positive you're okay?” Sam looked so warm and inviting, Bucky just wanted to hug him.  
“I'm just remembering something, that's all.” Bucky rushed hoping to head to bed. “Bucky.” Sam had the look of a stern parent. “I'm fine. Trauma is a bitch, isn't it?” He jokes.  
“Goodnight, Sam.”  
The man watches as he hurries to his bedroom.  
“Night, Buck.”  
___  
The next day went by quickly.  
“Barnes, how do I look?” Sam asks, standing in front of him.  
“You look good, now move, I'm watching my show.” Bucky waved him off. Sam huffed and shut the tv off. “Real answer.” He said. “Dude, I said you look good. Why do you care so much?” Bucky asked, readjusting himself on the couch.  
“I'm going on a date.”  
Bucky knew he had a look of shock on his face. He never prepared for dating.  
“Who are they?” Bucky sputtered, messing with his hands. “Elizabeth, she's gorgeous! Banging body, amazing smile, and personality.” Sam walked off to the kitchen. “She works at the coffee shop not too far from here. She always takes my order.” Sam returned holding his phone.  
Beads of sweat began to form on Bucky’s forehead. What if he loses Sam to her? What if he's just like him?  
Sam shows Bucky a picture of Elizabeth. “Ain't she a beauty?” Blue eyes lock with the picture, something she had posted recently on her Instagram. “She's beautiful.” He said with as much courage as he could. “I know right!” Sam seemed happy, that's all Bucky could ever really want.  
“Hey, don't seem so glum. Maybe she has a friend or a sister.” Sam jokes patting his shoulder.  
“Hey, are you gonna be okay with this? If you need me to stay home I'll stay.” Sam suddenly turned serious which threw Bucky off for a second. “I'm fine. I'll find some way to entertain myself.” He lied through his teeth unbeknownst to Sam. “Are you sure?” Bucky nods.  
“Well, I'll be off. I'll be home later.” They share a small hug before Sam departs leaving Bucky alone.  
“Of course, why didn't I prepare for him being straight.”  
___  
Sam seemed happier as of late.  
It was like whatever spell Elizabeth put on him made a smile stay on his handsome face. “Morning!” Sam smiled, smooth voice booming into the air. He stood in front of the stove cooking their breakfast.  
“Are you gonna see her today?” Bucky asks, petting Alpine. “Planning on it. She actually wants to meet you.” Bucky ears burn hot at the thought of Sam talking about him to his date. “She thinks you're interesting.” Sam kept on cooking.  
The day went smoothly as it usually did. Bucky was even feeling in higher spirits. That was until he heard a second voice at the door.  
He peaks his head out of the room to see Sam sweet-talking some girl. A set of arms throw themselves around Sam's neck as he leans down to kiss her. “I'll see you later.”-”Count on it, sweetheart.” Sam kisses the woman once more.  
Bucky ducks back into his room. His heart raced. Why wouldn't it calm down? Seeing Sam kiss her, the way his hands moved from her shoulders to her back made him shiver. He envied Elizabeth.  
___  
Sam noticed how odd Bucky had been acting as of late.  
His closed-off nature was normal but not like this. The way he rushes to his room after meals, hardly speaks, and spends most of his time alone.  
Are you sure everything is okay?” Sam seemed so tired of asking the same question, he just wanted an answer.  
“And before you avoid the question or say you’re okay, don’t lie to me. I know something is wrong James.” Sam never called him ‘James’. Bucky’s mind raced, does he tell Sam the truth? The truth that could ruin their friendship? He wanted to vomit. He could feel his face burn and sweat bead.  
“James, ” He stood like a deer in headlights, crystal blue eyes welling with tears. “Sam,” Bucky mumbled. “Sam, I—” Sam stepped closer and placed a hand on the counter beside him.  
“James, talk to me.” Warm brown eyes stare into cold ones that were brimming with warm, salty tears. Bucky looked down at the other man's lips. They looked so plump, soft, and smooth. He licks his own cracked lips and looks down at the floor.   
Bucky did the unthinkable.  
He kissed him. Everything felt slow as their lips locked together. The kiss ended as quickly as it happened. Sam’s eyes were wide with shock. “I-I-I’m s-sorry.” Bucky backed away from Sam, face hot and heart pounding. He went to his room and locked the door. His shaking body was pressed against the door. Tears ran down his red cheeks and his mind raced.  
“Idiot. Idiot. Idiot.” He chanted to himself.  
Sam stood in the kitchen still. His hands splayed against the counter as he caught his breath. He wasn’t angry just confused. His fingers slowly trail up to his lips, he could still feel Bucky’s chapped lips against his own.  
___  
The next morning no one spoke.  
Sam didn’t check on Bucky, Bucky stayed in bed almost all day, Sam stayed outside hoping to give his roommate space. Bucky looked disheveled. His hair matted and stuck to his skin, eyes bloodshot from his crying, lips chapped and body shaking.  
There was a knock at the door. Bucky didn’t answer. “Bucky, are you home?” Sam asked. He knocked again. Sam twisted the knob and the door was locked. “Bucky, open the door.” His voice stern. Bucky didn’t want to, he wanted him to leave him be. Bucky got up against his will and opened the door. His hand stayed on the knob.  
”What do you want?” He asked, voice hoarse. Sam stood before him, warm smile on his face. The same one Bucky always melts for. “I love you, Bucky.” Bucky stared in disbelief before he laughed dryly. “No, you don't.” He shook his head. “You don't and that's okay. You don't have to make me feel bette—” Bucky is shut up as a pair of soft lips lock with his.  
Warm hands cup his face, gently stroking the unkempt stubble. Bucky kisses Sam back hesitantly before he pulls away.  
“I love you, James Barnes.” Sam panted after the two broke apart. “I love you so much, James.” Bucky searched his eyes for deception but he saw none. This was genuine, not like before. Not like with him.   
“I love you too, Sam.”


End file.
